Tag: movie review

Movie Review: 27 Dresses

Posted on January 22, 2008 by Dexter


27 Dresses
Year Released: 2008
Directed by: Anne Fletcher
Starring: Catherine Heigl, James Marsden, Edward Burns
Production Company: Fox 2000 Pictures

Catherine Heigl is the hot friend that doesn’t really say much unless there’s something interesting going on. There, I fucking said it. Heigl was hilarious in Knocked up, but when I viewed it again the other night, I was laughing at her predicament and Seth Rogen’s performance more than her. I’m guessing the studio execs figured they could capture Heigl’s funnier moments on screen when she’s running the show, but given the weak material, it comes off a little clichéd and tired.
Heigl is the eternal bridesmaid and hopeless romantic Jane, the magazine assistant who’s totally infatuated with her perfect boss George (Ed Burns). How eternal a bridesmaid is she? She’s been in, get this: 27 dresses. And for some reason keeps them all to constantly remind her how empty her life is that suicide is something better left to bankers and lawyers. Sorry, I had to add a little something to keep the article going. She’s also supposed to hate pretty boy writer/marriage cover guy Kevin (James Marsden), so you know she falls in love with the guy after she finds out something clichéd about her boss – oh yeah, her boss falls for her little sister and they get *gasp* engaged!

Personally I would have preferred if Heigl took the high road, grabbed an uzi and a couple shotguns and went nuts at her sister’s wedding; pumping one rage fuelled round after another into either prospective single men, or just the immediate targets of hate. Unfortunately for me, she sucks it in and pretends that she’s in support of the marriage and quietly decides to sabotage it at the last moment: classy. Well, it probably worked out best this way, considering my demographic (late 20’s, married and hates sappy romantic movies) would rather prefer sabotage to come in the form of a Beastie Boys video.

Speaking of videos, there’s a sing-a-long scene involving Heigl, Marsden and Benny and the Jets. Never has that damn song been more emasculating.

Billed as a romantic comedy, you’d think the producers would at least try a few different angles, bringing in a gay in-law to complicate things, or manically funny assistant or something. Rather, they play it out by the numbers and nearly bore you to death. Heigl herself isn’t quite up to calibre to carrying this film all by herself just yet: especially in the comedy arena. At least in Knocked Up, she could play off whatever joke Seth Rogen was making, and he spit them out faster than a condom machine in a high school boy’s room. So, to say that without that formula to keep it going, the laughs are stale and the screenwriters have to resort to pulling used items out of the hat with little to no need to worry about how the sequence of events fall into place.


At least in comedies, there’s the comedy relief; usually in the form of a fast talking, bumbling assistant or a friend that’s a real party animal of some sort, right? Not one to be found in this grinder mix – the camera achingly dotes on Heigl one scene after another, hoping to capture some of that natural hilarity that occurs after a night of drinking, or losing one’s panties in public. Well, they play it safe: what else can I say?

For all these qualities, there are some redeeming ones: in predictability, there’s a sort of calming effect in knowing what’s coming next: they slowly build to a slow climax that you saw coming even before the initial credits stopped. You know that Heigl is more suited to be supporting actress material, you even know that there’s going to be a sappy wedding at the end because all the whole damn movie does is reference weddings and marriage and commitment. So, it’s not horrible, but perhaps a notch above.

4 out of 10

Movie Review: The Bucket List

Posted on January 12, 2008 by Dexter

The Bucket List

Year Released: 2008
Directed by: Rob Reiner
Starring: Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, Sean Hayes
Production Company: Storyline Entertainment

The Bucket List is the odd couple formula with a little incentive: they’re both dying of cancer, and want to make more of their last months on earth. It’s a stoic effort, but a few too many of the plot devices hinge too heavily on a few factors.

Super intelligent and world weary Carter Chambers (Morgan Freeman) is a kind hearted mechanic that once had a dream: to be a history professor. After 46 years of marriage and three children, he’s all but put aside his wants and focused entirely on his family. On the other side of the spectrum is billionaire commercial hospital real estate owner Edward Cole (Nicholson) as the vicious businessman who’s put his work first and his family second. Both are diagnosed with terminal cancer, and given only 6 months to a year to live. As fate goes, both are hospitalized in the same room of Cole’s hospital where the rule is ‘two beds to one room’. Upon Carter’s dismal diagnosis, he crumples up a sheet of paper; his ‘bucket list’ he later tells Cole, all the things we wishes to do before he dies.

“Okay, you shoot me, then I’ll shoot you.”

The wildly rich and lovable Cole with all his fortune decides to take his new friend and fulfill his list, by jetting to exotic locales such as Paris, Egypt, and India (who knows if the studio merely put them in front of a blue screen, the salaries alone for this pic sounds pretty hefty). Which goes to show, as bleak as a situation is, it isn’t so bad when you’re stinking rich. Not exactly something shared by all. Could be why I didn’t give this flick a higher rating, it’s not like I could do things I’ve been meaning to do since I was 15, I simply don’t have the funds, and the worrying about paying back the loans would kill me.

“Yeeeha! Geriatrics is fun!”

I love seeing Nicholson do some comedy now and again, call me crazy, but I think he’s pretty good when he’s paired up with a big leaguer like Freeman. Besides, I had to chuckle when they were skydiving and arguing like the old guys they are. Both are funny in their own right. But the chemistry doesn’t seem like it’s melding here, perhaps they’re not liking the idea they’re in a buddy-movie for old men. Either way, the lack of sparks made the film seem flat and tired. Even the god-like voice over narration of Freeman seemed a bit desperate, as if Rob Reiner tried to tag on a line of ‘c’mon: it’s Morgan Freakin’ Freeman!’ Both play their parts to a ‘T’, Nicholson being the wild eyed prankster, and Freeman being the kindly wise man. Neither can do much to keep the Bucket List from becoming a sappy re-telling of grumpy old men.

The real treat is the ending, not exactly a feel good type but it certainly does tug at your heart strings, and hits all the right notes at the close.

6.5 out of 10

Movie Review: I am Legend

Posted on December 25, 2007 by Dexter

I am Legend
Year Released: 2007
Directed by: Francis Lawrence
Starring: Will Smith, a bunch of zombies and his dog
Production Company: Warner Bros.

Will Smith is a bankable star, if not a likeable one. As Robert Neville, the last man alive in a city full of zombie-like/infected monsters, he carries it well without his brand of off-the-cuff humor we’re so used to in his past roles.
Legend is the cautious tale of tempering with vaccines, and what could happen to the world, should a potential cure for cancer mutate, and turn regular people into night zombie/vampire creatures. Robert Neville is the last infected man alive, lives and faithfully sends out radio transmissions everyday from his base in New York. As flashbacks indicate, the virus outbreak was partly his own responsibility, and he is seemingly immune. Being a military scientist, he conducts experiments to cure the virus, but time is running out as the city is infested with the infected zombies. Pretty cool premise, huh?

Legend didn’t quite fill my movie needs many terms. As a stand alone movie, it falls short in many categories. Director Francis Lawrence takes too long developing the idea that a major metropolitan city as New York has become a deserted wasteland of metal, overrun by weeds and wildlife. I get that, the audience gets that, so why dedicate more than 3/4 of the film to show it? Not exactly the sort of thing you want to continue to show if you want to prove a tired point: in Lawrence’s case, he’s trying to prove to the studios he’s worth signing on for another feature film. Hey, more power to the guy, but the focus should really have been on making the Neville a little more consistent.

I remember when I am Legend was being developed by Ridley Scott, and Arnold Schwarzenegger was attached as Robert Neville. Man, those were exciting days; an A-list star and a powerhouse director. Unfortunately, it all fell apart due to overblown budgets, and this project went into development hell for more than 15 years. The names alone would have attracted me, and a master filmmaker like Scott would have been able to put the focus on the characters (ie. Matchstick men, or to a greater extend: any of his tent-pole movies) with the background as a supporting tool.

As a remake, the film is good. As a stand alone movie, it’s a half hour too short, and there’s not enough directions this film could have gone. Some characters are created but not introduced; which leads to clumsy relationships. Hopefully that doesn’t spoil too much. I could only take so much of Smith talking to himself and going through the same flashbacks, of non-zombified New York.

There’s also a HUGE inconsistency in how these movie monsters work as well: Neville, an army scientist records for us his findings: apparently these creatures are without any sort of proper thought process, only feeding on whatever ‘clean’ blood they find. All the actions of these creatures makes this statement true: they’re mindless zoned out creatures with lightning fast speed, only looking to feed in the night because the sunlight burns their skin.

This totally undermines the entire premise of the film for me. First, they introduce the ground rules, then break them to create tension. It’s an utterly worthless gesture that only serves to confuse the audience, and tack on the next stupid move for Smith’s Character: revenge. He’s only been alone, being ever so careful for the last three years as the last man: and he does something totally out of character and completely reckless.

If you want flashy visuals with no moral conundrums, by all means see I am Legend. If you want a movie that will make you think about consequences: check out Children of Men.

6 out of 10

Movie Review: No Country for Old Men

Posted on November 29, 2007 by Dexter

No Country for Old Men
Year Released: 2007
Directed by: Joel and Ethan Coen
Starring: Josh Brolin, Tommy Lee Jones, Javier Bardem
Distributed by: Paramount Vantage

Simply put, No Country for Old Men is a bloody good movie. I wouldn’t go so far as to say ‘masterpiece’ or monument, it’s good, but it’s not exactly fantastic. Brothers Joel and Ethan have kind of built their film careers off some pretty unique, quirky and always charismatic characters. Given the material, I think they did a commendable job, but really they lose points because they didn’t really take any risks.

No Country smartly starts off on a slow and steady foot, with all narration done by the aged Sheriff Ed Tom Bell played by Tommy Lee Jones. Each scene reluctantly leads to the next, and each one seems to grip you tighter and tighter into this world full of violence, hitmen and choices from everyday people. As the narration serves, you slowly learn the guilt and moral aptitude of Jones’ weathered sheriff is meant to counterbalance the ultra violence of professional hitman Anton Chigurh (Scary-as-shit Javier Bardem). And while we’re on that topic, let’s illuminate a little on Bardem. Seriously: he creeped the hell out of me, I’m sure if a one time meeting with Chigurh doesn’t kill you, it’ll put you in the trauma ward. It’s that quiet intensity, that broiling, seething, almost soft spoken killer that lurks underneath that really gets you. Even the poster for the movie shows Bardem’s eyes, warily watching you, seeing you, figuring out how to get you, should you become locked in his crosshairs. And isn’t that the scariest part? Not knowing?

Anyhow, the Coen’s head back to the Texas landscape in their newest story of a hunter, Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin) stumbling across a satchel of drug money, becomes pursued by the homicidal and ultimate badass Chigurh, all the while Sheriff Bell tries to make sense of it all before someone else ends up dead. That’s really the crux of the story, but the genius in the story telling is how they made each character interact with each other.

Given the three main characters, they were destined to meet. However, it never happens – which is a good thing. Not once do the characters share any sort of screen time, and that in turn builds all the tension necessary. While Chigurh is walking around with is silenced ultimate bad ass shotgun, aiming for Llewelyn’s head, it’s done with clever shadows, plus it probably helped that it the scene happened in the dead of the night.

Tommy Lee Jones’ performance can’t really be called main actor type stuff, mainly because I saw him as more of a supporting character to the struggle of the hunter and psycho hitman. His narration does serve a greater purpose in putting all the screen executions and good, well,.. Intentions in perspective. I’m just a little more upset he didn’t really do anything, other than be the lazy sheriff and let the FBI figure out the hard stuff. Hey, that’s just me – the way the role was written, he was acting exactly in character. So sue me for making a few comments.

Plus, I realize that all the Coen’s characters, in any Coen movie, can simply be labelled things like ‘psycho guy’, ‘dude’ and or if possible ‘guy with crazy accent’. And from the looks of things, some characters can have more than one trait to their name. No Country might not be as quotable as the super-fun Big Lebowski, or as quirky as…let’s face it; all their movies are damn quirky. But the seriousness level gets taken up a notch from Fargo, and the screen time isn’t wasted – not a bit. It’s certainly good, but it’s not must-see material.

6.5 out of 10

Movie Review: Hitman

Posted on November 25, 2007 by Dexter

Hitman
Year Released: 2007
Directed by: Xavier Gens
Starring: Timothy Olyphant, Dougray Scott, Olga Kurylenko
Production Company: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: Nov 21, 2007

Hitman, as any good gaming geek would know is the movie based on the hit multiplatform by Eidos interactive. In the game, you play a ruthless hitman assigned to eliminate targets by a splinter religious sect organization. You dispatch targets with as much creativity as you like, and your reward is moving further up the game chain. In other words: it can get pretty repetitive – just like the movie.

Well, it wasn’t so repetitive as it was graining on my eyes watching a lot of nothing happen on the screen. The plot follows our Hitman, known anonymously only as ‘Agent 47′ (Olyphant), from being raised as child to breathe, sweat, eat and presumably shit assassin. The beginning scene proudly plays Ave Maria which screams out “Pay attention! This is important!” Don’t worry, it’s not. And it’s an interesting back-story, but full of questions that are really never answered. Moving onto adulthood rather quickly, chrome domed Agent 47 receives a barcode tattoo (we can only assume this is where the ’47’ came from) to basically let the audience know he’s graduated from Assassin University. The real plot then takes place, but I feel it’s really nonexistent and rather unimportant to the film. Agent 47 is dispatched to murder a potential presidential candidate of Russia. He fails, or so you think, in steps Dougray Scott as the FBI to call it bullshit, he unravels a plot, agent 47 is framed by his own organization, goes on the lam, picks up a half dressed Olga Kurylenko , continues running, unravels another plot and so on so forth.


Like I said, the plot really isn’t what you’re watching: it’s the gunplay, the violence and the slick angles that make this so cool. It’s a shame really, because Hitman is another ‘style over substance’ movie that really doesn’t inspire, take any new chances nor does it leave you with a sense of closure. Like I said, there are some pretty cool parts, such as samurai fighting and the occasional boob shot that got in there, but really, it felt lame.

You can certainly tell the actors tried their best with the material they were given. Dougray Scott, brings a little of that british wit and dignity, whereas I’m not sure if Timothy Olyphant really fills the shoes of a role this big. Granted, he looks just like the character from the game, yet lacks the nitty grittiness that the role suggests he needs. He’s a killer right? I understand the need to get dressed up in a black suit and blood red tie, but it’s okay that he gets beat up and muddy every once in a while: give me my action heroes in the form of the John McClane. Olga Kurylenko is new to American cinema’s, but I get the feeling this vehicle isn’t going to launch her into utter stardom; if anything, she’ll spend a good amount of time ever denying this movie was on her resume. The rest of the cast I could mention, but they are utterly throw away peices. Use them to get the plot going, but don’t bother trying to find their motivations.

Perhaps I’m just complaining, but at times the audio didn’t quite sync up properly. Of course most of the talking scenes of Agent 47 has Timothy Olyphant talking through his teeth most of the time; which would be hard for any editor to get through.

The spy/assassin genre is chock full of mindless, uninspired crud and Hitman is no different. If you want something with real substance and that’s smart enough not to insult your intelligence, check out the Bourne Series, or to a lesser extent: the cartoonish super villainy of Austin Powers. At least you’ll feel more satisfied than watching Hitman.

2 out of 10

Movie Review: Gone Baby Gone

Posted on October 21, 2007 by Dexter

Gone Baby Gone
Year Released: 2007
Directed by: Ben Affleck
Starring: Morgan Freeman, Casey Affleck, Ed Harris
Production Company: LivePlanet
Review done: 11:56 AM 5/20/2008

Gone Baby Gone proves that Ben Affleck is more effective behind the camera than in front of it. Considering this is perhaps his first movie directorial since his Indy roots, he does a fantastic job of putting the whole story together.

Really, Ben Affleck’s last good movie was changing lanes with the too-cool Samuel L. Jackson. Come to think of it, just seeing Jackson explode like a mushroom cloud laying mofo is worth the admission alone. And that was back in 2002! Well, back to the review…

Gone Baby Gone is the adaption of the novel (of the same name) by crime writer Dennis Lehane. It’s basically two missing persons detectives looking for a missing kid in suburban Boston – or, as the southies say ‘Bahstan’. Pretty straight forward formula right? Wrong! That’s where things get interesting.


Patrick Kenzie (played by the could-he-be-any-younger-looking) Casey Affleck is out to find a missing child, brought to his attention by the kid’s aunt and uncle. Said aunt and uncle are seemingly much more concerned about getting the kid back, as their actions speak much louder than the mother, played by Amy Ryan who does a stunning job of being the white-trash druggie mother, who – could have easily swindled her kid for a fix. Add the mother’s apathy, the aunt and uncle’s empathy, and the additionally empathy of Police Chief Jack Doyle (Excellent as always Morgan Freeman) and a quick, plot turning movie and it becomes great.

What was great about this flick, it kept everything on one track: no distracting side stories, no film wasted. Just when you think you’re being pulled in one direction, you realize its part of the bigger picture. And that’s why this is such a great flick. Plus, everyone seems to have a hidden agenda, except for our man, Casey Affleck. Who does a star performance as well, hell, he’s probably trumping his big brother who’s more content sitting behind the camera – and there’s no complaints from me. Given that lil’ Affleck has starred in a slew of Indy hits, big box office draws like the Ocean’s series, he’s primed for an Oscar nod soon.

Setting for Gone Baby Gone is near perfect: Big Affleck paints a picture of a Boston working-class neighbourhood full of neverdowells, up and coming kids, and street drugs: the kinds of imagery brought to the screen can only come from childhood memories, and we’re that much more thankful that he did that faithfully. Every little nook and cranny of Boston brought to us from street level, and every character a savoury one. Take for instance beat cops Remy Bressant and Nick Poole (Ed Harris and John Aston, respectively) – those guys just remind me of the type of suited cop that would rather lounge around all day in a coffee diner. Of course, that’s just me.

Deeper and deeper we get, and the more entangled we find ourselves in a world full of cops, drugs, red herrings and the search for justice. I’ll leave it at that. Just be warned, nothing is as it seems and there are always a few twists around the corner, the last one had me questioning my own judgment should the situation ever happen.

Thought provoking and fine – you should check it out.

7 out of 10

Movie Review: License to Wed

Posted on July 3, 2007 by Dexter

License To Wed

Year Released: 2007
Directed by: Ken Kwapis
Starring: Robin Williams, John Krasinski, Mandy Moore
Production Company: Proposal Productions

Robin Williams has sunk his teeth into yet another role where he can improvise and chew up the scenery. What you end up with is another mishmash of the same dribble you’ve come to expect in the romantic comedy category.

Hey, I may be a dude, but I enjoy a good poke at relationships and dating. If it weren’t for these sappy movies I’m sure three quarters of the population wouldn’t have a reason to meet in the first place. So, here we go: Robin Williams has got that seventeen-year-old spirit that just can’t be duplicated. Unless he’s absolutely high on cocaine; but he’s cut that out of his diet since the early 90’s. Williams can easily steal the show if he’s not kept in line, and can turn a great movie into a mediocre one: which is what happened with License to Wed.

Jim announces his affair with Pam the secretary at the wrong time.

The movie is about two lovebirds who were destined for each other (Ben and Sadie) played by John Krasinski and Mandy Moore. After some courtship, the pair decide to get married, but there are some stipulations; namely they get hitched at the same church as the bride’s parents, and that they pass a martial readiness course run by family friend Reverend Frank (Williams). Trying to pass the marriage course is frustrating especially to Ben, as Frank tries at every opportunity to showcase Ben’s inadequacies by forcing word association games with in-laws, plants an audio bug in the couple’s bedroom, and is outwardly creepy and endangering all around. Especially that bedroom bug: seriously – wouldn’t you just bring the guy to court and get hitched in Vegas instead?

Of course, all the horrible things that Frank does are all justified by Sadie’s family. Does this mean they’ve all had to endure the humiliation of carrying around robotic babies that produce excrement, cry and look incredibly terrifying? What’s even worse, the filmmakers try to see things from Sadie’s point of view, how could we take her side in Franks escapades? Really, Sadie just comes off as stupid and insecure. If you fell in love with a guy, why would religion make you change your mind?

Besides this and I mean the MAIN PLOT, the movie is tolerable. My fun was had in seeing Office Star John Krasinski’s co-workers show up in similar roles throughout the movie. It shouldn’t be a surprise, director Ken Kwapis did direct the original US pilot for the show, so some co-stars had to sneak in.

“So we can return ‘A Walk to Remember anytime?”

The laughs come off as painful, and the script could use a little more fine tuning – it shows that the producers figured they could hinge the whole picture on Williams’ name alone. His character pushes too hard, controls his subjects and has a shady past himself when he’s a man of the cloth. So, why listen to this guy? He’s not even credible. The best part of the whole film is when Ben punches the reverend for interfering so much: finally! A movie that puts the wants of the public back in! But its short lived and it ends… well, it’s a Rom/Com – how do you think it ends?

The funny misses due to an overly possessive Robin Williams, all the other characters are as stock as soup cans and the plot is predictable. It’s not great, and there are other flicks that do more with less.

4.0 out of 10

Movie Review: Live Free or Die Hard

Posted on June 30, 2007 by Dexter

Live Free or Die Hard
Year Released: 2007
Directed by: Len Wiseman
Starring: Bruce Willis, Timothy Olyphant, Justin Long
Production Company: 20th Century Fox

Come and gone are the 80’s action movies. With their over the top action, defying of physics and one liners they were retired when the age of special effects entered the arena. Everyone got the memo: except for John McClane: indestructible supercop and it’s about time he came back!

Live Free or Die Hard could very well be the most fun movie for the summer 2007 season and it stands out with a point: who needs all the blue and green screen crap when you have a veritable, be it bald, action icon like Willis who’s come back in the digital age to lay down the smack: analog-style. The plot is simple: it brings forward all those Y2K era fears you had about dependency on computers, and what happens to infrastructure, government, finances and traffic when their tied into said computers. Ultra hacker Thomas Gabriel (Timothy Olyphant) has devised the mass mayhem in an attempt at securing the World’s finances by way of duping hackers into cracking pieces of government code, and he does away with them with a C-4 firmware upgrade (?) that destructs when the geeks hit ‘delete’. Pretty far-fetched. It was even more farfetched that some of the terrorists were French (!).

The action is just what you’ve come to expect from the Die Hard series: it’s fast, furious, and loud. At times, it’s pretty over the top and somewhat silly: such as when McClane crashes a police cruiser into a helicopter. “I was out of bullets” an understated, if not dry use of his quick barbs. That’s another thing too, what happened to the one-liners? We were treated with a veritable cornucopia of memorable quotes:

There was the statement of obvious:
“No fucking shit, lady. Do I sound like I’m ordering a pizza?”
More obviousness:
“Who’s driving this car, Stevie Wonder?”
And my personal favourite: right at the end when he’s beating the hell out of Karl:
“You motherfucker, I’m gonna kill you! I’m gonna fuckin’ cook you, and I’m gonna fucking eat you!”

In the most recent incarnation, we’re given
“Enough of this kung fu shit”
And
“A little thing they invented back in the sixties called ‘jogging’. You’re gonna love it. Come on”

Okay, now that it’s down on paper, I have to say I cracked a smile over that kung fu line.

Speaking of which, with the family friendly PG-13 rating, I was a little disappointed. Viewing the first Die Hard, it was basically B movie fare that compensated not having a big star (at the time anyway) with massive amounts of blood and Willis’ trademark smart-ass one liners. And it worked great. Hell, it worked in the first, second and third instalment, not so much this time around though. Yes, I blame the rating for the lack of swearing, and Die Hard’s famous quote ‘Yippee Ki Yay Motherfucker!’ which they needlessly blanked out the last few syllable with a gunshot. So, the ratings board doesn’t like any famous four letter words, but is willing to substitute it with on screen shootings and McClane beating a girl into submission? Well, whatever works.

Oh yes, the ACTION. It’s pure and plenty, but there’s a few parts that I’m sure auto manufacturer’s hoped to cash in on, namely the parts where:

McClane drives a cop car into a helicopter.
McClane drives over a chick ninja with a Ford Explorer.
McClane drives a semi big rig into an F-18 hornet.

Plus, he steals a BMW and Kevin Smith’s old beater. To say the screenwriters might be autophiles might be stating the obvious: or point out their closet fetish.

If you want a movie with an action icon back in form, check out the indestructible human bullet John McClane kicking ass on July 4th. His old school tactics certainly work: especially when he delivers the package with a wise cracking mouth.

7.5 out of 10

Movie Review: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Posted on June 17, 2007 by Dexter

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Year Released: 2007
Directed by: Tim Story
Starring: Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Julian McMahon
Production Company: 20th Century Fox
Review done 4:45 PM 5/16/2008

As you probably know, this is the story of four superheroes enbued with powers that fight crime. I think I just summed up the entire likeability factor in once sentence. That being said, I wish I could stop here, but I try to commit myself to writing a bit more than ‘don’t bother’. As it is, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is the dismal sequel follow up to the original Fantastic Four movie. Same director, same characters, some new nuanced plot, even the same villain (Dr.Doom) makes an appearance. I would probably be more forgiving, but seriously, I’m insulted as a comic book fanatic.

The characters are still one tracked and static. They all have the same goals and the same damn personalities plus a few more special effects to add ‘weight’. Additionally I’ll break down the characters as you’d expect. Although, this might sound familiar if you read my review of the first movie:

Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) is smart and a scientist because he’s constantly playing with new technological gadgets.

The Thing (Michael Chiklis) should focus on getting a Hulk/Thing cross over. Seriously.

Human Torch (Chris Evans) excels at being a dick. He is however, the most fun character and automatically the coolest character, and for some reason is the only person to have any sort of personality. This is INCREDIBLY sad.

Invisible Woman (Jessica Alba) looks good in skin tight blue spandex.

Silver Surfer (voiced by one very cool Laurence Fishburne) looks cool, an act cool, and is a complete and utter TOOL to Galactus. Plus, they screwed up his source, scope, and majesty of power.

The tone you’re hearing is the one of complete annoyance, basically because Hollywood decided to hand the keys to the FF franchise, which was built on over 60 years of excellent stories over to the guy who directed ‘Taxi’ starring that guy from SNL who can sing pretty good. And that movie sucked! If there were any justice left in the world, the producers would have made Silver Surfer the main character with the FF in a cameo role. Who really cares if Reed and Sue Richards are getting married? It’s not like there was any sort of impending doom that could stop this huge crux of marital vows, right? Oh, the Silver Surfer showed up. And he’s not really doing anything, he’s just scoping out the earth as a tasty treat for his boss, Galactus. So the Fantastic Four have to stop him from….looking around.


As an added treat [sic], Julian McMahon reprises his role as über evil Dr.Doom – who in the comics was a horribly scarred maniac despot ruler of Latvia, hell-bent on destroying the world with his superior scientific knowledge, some magical powers and GENIUS intellect. The movies however, opted for a good looking all American boy that prances around in a cape and is a millionaire industrialist, y’know: because business is evil. Anyway, Dr.Doom shows up, helps the military and the FF capture the Silver Surfer in perhaps the silliest way possible. At this point, he harnesses the Surfer’s power and it’s up to the most immature character, the human torch to take him down. All this is happening while: Galactus is on his way to make earth his next dinner. God, I wish this was made up – oh wait, it IS.

There’s quite a bit of build up to Galactus, he’s basically the quasi villain, the be-all, end-all of the earth. The ultimate destroyer of all humanity. And what are we treated with? A BIG FUCKING BLACK CLOUD. How entirely menacing is that? Even on paper it sounds ridiculous and it somehow got past the special effects team. If this thing eats worlds, it defies all logic of internal organs, stomachs, this thing must have a brain and reasoning if it gave powers to the Silver Surfer, yet it’s just A BIG FUCKING BLACK CLOUD.

***********some spoilers, like I care***********
Somehow, in this entirely too long, too loud, too stupid movie, the writers thought it would be smart to have the Surfer destroy Galactus WITH THE POWERS GIVEN TO HIM BY GALACTUS IN THE FIRST PLACE. And it was this bit of scientific writing that was supposed to bring all the events of this sitcom together and make sense.

FF: Rise of the Silver Surfer is just like 70’s big bellbottoms – utterly forgettable, short, loud, preposterous and full of stupid.

1 ouf of 10

Movie Review: Déjà Vu

Posted on November 30, 2006 by Dexter

Déjà Vu
Year Released: 2006
Directed by: Tony Scott
Starring: Denzel Washington, Val Kilmer, Jim Caviezel
Production Company: Touchstone Pictures

Déjà Vu: The feeling you’ve done something before. There’s a much wordier version of the definition, but for the purposes of my own dumbing-down, this will do fine. So, it feels familiar: Tony Scott teams up with Denzel Washington in another action flick. However, this movie deals with time travel, alternate realities and touches on fate. Pretty heavy fodder for adventure movie fare; In any case, it all works pretty well.

For you Action Jackson fanatics out there, you’ll have to wait until the third act when things like bullets start flying, it’s not super intense like old Scott movies, but it gets that fix in there. What’s really weighed pretty well is the balance of story, theory and physics. It’s all grounded in a very real reality that could be right now, if only you weren’t taking orders from a very fat Val Kilmer.

Déjà Vu starts with a literal bang, more like a boom actually; a New Orleans’ ferry is blown to bits: with all the passengers on board. The stakes really couldn’t be raised any higher. Washington is the ATF agent Doug Carlin, part of the explosives task force encompassed with the job of identifying the explosive and finding the culprit – albeit, the case becomes more and difficult with the lack of clues. In comes Agent Pryzwarra (Kilmer) with a fresh perspective; armed with a group of physicists, they’ve have successfully created a viewing tunnel (or rather, wormhole) four and a half days ago. It’s pretty cool technology, and the amount of additional filming must have been hell – the concept is that while you’re able to look four days in the past, you’re also able to view from any angle. Normally, this might present a problem to any normal filmmaker. Thankfully, Tony Scott has much experience in making use of beautiful camera angles, so it plays off beautifully and seamlessly. The case becomes personally for Carlin as he is smitten with Claire, a supposed victim of the ferry bombing, as he suspects she had expired a good hour before the bomb exploded. Using the very cool time leaping/folding technology, he focuses his time looking at Claire’s last days. As events unfold, he tries to send himself clues to the past, some of them with disastrous results: the message is there – don’t mess with the past! With hours remaining, and culprit in sight, Carlin decides to take matters into his own hands (what, you thought he was going to sit around?) and steps back into time itself. From there it’s a paradox within a paradox, within a tightly wound story.

The use of time and ability to watch events unfold in the past is a risky one, but it pays off. There’s a particular scene where the camera can go mobile attached to a Humvee – it’s a chase that happens in the present and the past. And yes, it’s both trippy and cool. Just trying to watch two screens at once in a completely black theatre will either make your head spin or give you attention deficit disorder.

In using the time line plot, everything else certainly helps serve it: the equipment, setting, even the characters. And that’s why I think this movie loses a few points. No one really matures to become a rounded character; everyone is basically static and helps along the story one piece at a time. Don’t get me wrong, when you see Adam Goldberg talk about the Wheeler Boundary, you get the feeling he’s given the speech to a bunch of MIT undergrads. They’re all very convincing, but they only help out this time folding technique. I even caught myself enjoying Val Kilmer’s performance for a change: could be because he’s taking a back seat to what could have easily been his own starring vehicle. Hey it could happen – if I told you back in 1990 that the star of Turner and Hooch would win an Oscar, you’d shoot me in the face.

Anyhow, Déjà Vu is gladly not the definition of the contents: you don’t get feeling you’re headed down the same path a hundred times before, rather you’re treated with some nice ooh’s and ahh’s that only Tony Scott can bring you. It’s just a good thing he got away from his over saturated color and blow out lighting done in Domino. Geez, that thing was a technicolor nightmare.

7 out of 10